i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
