i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
