Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
