Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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