After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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