I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
