I only kidnapped one of them. chill
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
