If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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