I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
