She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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