My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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