I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
