I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
