K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
