So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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