i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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