Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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