matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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