i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
