im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
