Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
