u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
