i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
