you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
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