walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
