No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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