That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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