you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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