so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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