In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I understand Curling. That high.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize