Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
