fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
