He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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