you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
