fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
