i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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