my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
