Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
