May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
