it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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