so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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