I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize