alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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