I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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