i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
