So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize