you didnt know i had herpes?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
