I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize