come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
