guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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