pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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