we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
barbara walters just said penis...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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