Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
