Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
