I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
