i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
