hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize