Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
