It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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