maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
