It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up under a house in Key West
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
