I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
