Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
