I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize